Here's a lesson learned from our weekend watching the kiddo release her inner toy soldier in The Nutcracker:
If you sit in front of a small kid sitting on her dad's lap during a Saturday matinee, and that kid spends the whole time coughing on you—un-ending, "mouth not covered, enjoy my typhoid/plague/black death coughing," making your skin start to crawl as you feel her spray on your neck, face, arms, etc., don't say, "That couldn't have been worse."
If you do, the next day, for the Sunday matinee, a cranky, nursing toddler will be behind you, kicking you and screaming, all while her very exhausted mother tries to watch her older sister dance for 3 minutes in the pre-show for little ones, then collect that preschooler from backstage and try to keep her entertained for an hour and a half while snow angels and mirlitons whirl around on stage. The yelling of the toddler and the loud questions of the preschooler fighting for some of her mom's attention will not enhance the dancing, but hey, you aren't get bathed in germs, so is it worse?
Kick, kick, scream, kick...we'll call it a tie.
Bless the children, our precious, precious future, spreading bronchial disease, backache and headache since the beginning of time.
(Woke up this morning with the sniffles and scratchy throat. Take heart, adorable—she really was—little coughing girl. Your work here is done. Please give credit to your dad, too, though, who would not cover your mouth—despite us asking politely sometime in Act II—and let you at times stand directly by our faces, or lean over onto the seat in front of you while hacking.
As for the mom on day two, well, I just felt sorry for her. We've all been there, I just wish she hadn't been there directly behind us that day. Day one wore me out on "behind the seat kid drama.")